Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Politics of Humility

To have a man say he wants not for himself and believe him is a hard thing nowadays. It is normal for a man to help only after he gets what his is, or what he needs first. It is even more normal for a man to do something for you and only do it unless he gets something out of his effort – even if it costs him nothing. Why it should I have no clue, but it does. Even if the time he invests would be wasted anyway, it still needs to have a payback. It has become some sort of a sub-conscious psychological rule in our heads to ask what we have to gain from it and make that the criteria for anything that we do that we don’t really need to do or gain from.

So much so, when someone indeed makes an indeed considerate offer, we tend to question what seems to be his motive. I don’t doubt that that might indeed be the case that he/she has a selfish motive. But it just may also be so that he doesn’t. It is in all probability true that he has no clue why he is asking what something to gain from the whole exercise.

In that case, you shouldn’t trust anyone for your life – except of course those whom you know to love you regardless. Thank God for family J Down the line when we are on our own feet even that doesn’t hold good. We get our own concerns to keep regardless, once life and responsibility get a hold of you.

Yes, there are people who sincerely practice the politics of humility and it is difficult to judge whether they are indeed in it for something to get or whether they really want to be of what help they may. We can choose to not risk it and go along with our own means – a reliable man (or woman) is usually made up of his own. But it is only a reliable man or woman who is made up of his own who can afford to start to have the politics of humility, to offer, to have something to offer in the first place. We all need our kicks and, of course. And sometimes, we really don’t have a choice but to hope. We can either hope or give in to the cruelty of the predicament. You may be a fool to hope but if you give in, you get out with nothing either way. You may as well get out and with something or at least hope to, while you hope to at least last till the end and after.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

OF RELATIONSHIPS AND BOXES...

Life is about people, and loads of people. You can also make it about a person, that's only yourself, with everyone else supposedly purposed to befit you. Or you can make it about everybody collectively including yourself. Nonetheless, it about either of these people and the relationships thereof.

The tendency of GenPresent is to box these relationships, in boxes that are widely apart. Some boxes tend to mix around with others, depending on the people/person in them. Now there is a problem here. Quite a big problem. From the boxes that could be, including boyfriend, best friend, friend, acquaintance, colleague, family and such, we tend to restrict the people in these boxes. By doing this, we do not explore a relationship to the extent that there lies a connect. We actually restrict a connect, resulting in much frustration that is often only one way and unseen by the other and sometimes (when it's better) seen both ways. This being the case, it is not healthy. It does not allow either party in a relationship to fully construct and enjoy the connect that lies between them – which, unless either party doesn't feel the inclination and the desire to do so, will lead to the enjoyment thereof.

Now the problem is one of a tag. For reasons that can be blamed on the present progressive culture, we tend to tag people and then box them as opposed to letting the connect be discovered and basking in it. It becomes a sort of a I've-found-my-security-in-someone-else-and-I'm-holding-on-for-life thing. The world is not so cruel that we have to be so desperate to be loved. Love is a two way thing. It works for us and also it benefits the one we get it from. The ones we seem to cling onto to avoid that supposed cruelty also suffer from the same fear.

A case in point. Take a couple, a boyfriend and his girlfriend, or vice versa. Name them A & B, in whichever order you like. However it is that they got to know each other, now they have a tag of officially being a couple. The question is of the consequentiality of the tag. What does the tag do to what the two had between them before they tagged themselves so? Does the tag, now, restrict that freedom that initially allowed themselves to explore the connect? It sometimes turns out to be an obligation, that is actually, something that they would do anyway if the tag was not there. It may as well be real and come out anyway, than for it to be obliged. The tag may also be but a mere extension of the exploration of the connect. But then, the (pre) tag becomes ball and chain in nature. The closest to a tag that does justice to exploring the connect is to say that one and the other simply are tight. It may well be so that the connect may not last for that long but yet the tag persists. So is supposed to be the connect and hence the relationship.

It's not important as to how in the conventional sense of the word they are tight. Whether they are boyfriend-girlfriend, just friends or any other relationship convention that there may be, let the relationship(s) be defined the two people without which it would not exist – fittings apart.

It's a more fun, healthy and adventurous way to go about this. Let yourself be surprised by the kind of people you like on various levels. It lets you know a lot more about yourself and about what lies in the people in the world and in the world around you. Allow the connect to build itself on you both. Don't restrict it with a tag. Let the tag define itself, if it must. Otherwise, it is unimportant.

A line from a song by the The Band goes, "My love wants to have her fortune read and I know that she's in a hurry. If we go along the straight and narrow, you don't even have to worry. " Indeed, we can't read our fortunes but we can choose to choose the security of the future of the love that surrounds is, if we so wish. But Love has to work two ways. Deprivity never really can make the world go round, even by those who defeat the notion. If you walk the straight and narrow, you will either build your connect with much awesomeness and respect, or you will realise that it's not your connect to have as a result of a lot of building of self-identity and lots more respect. A seemingly very loving relationship of any sort between two people based on ensuring no insecurity is one based more on fear and non-realisation of self value that you would bring to any relationship for that matter.