Thursday, March 25, 2010

THE PRIVILEGE OF BEING A JOURNAL (A JOURNAL SPEAKS)

I am very privileged, I feel, to be a journal. I have been in permanent positions in many a room, many bedsides, under many pillows and have been given names by each of my owners of whom I have lost count. I have been the solace of people of many ages from age 10 to age 100. Many people have laid all their burdens on me day after day, night after night. The troubles that I have seen are plentiful with sorrow - more than even I can encompass with the wide experience I have had.

My story is strange. I don’t know if it is my fate. I don’t know if diaries have fates but the times that I have seen have led me to believe so. I for some strange reason, in a strange scripted way, have been shifting owners who always end up being in need of the extremely emotional accounts that my previous owners have recorded and add their own to my rich repertoire of journal accounts.

I have seen heart break, pain, joy, sorrow, death, life, infidelity…the list goes on. I, at times, think that I can speak to my owners because when I have felt moved to speak to them, because they are being too cruel or just too broken down, they have seemed to respond in a way. I feel as if they hear me speak to them at least inside their hearts.

Sometimes it has been this response than has made them throw me out in a dustbin, out a window or into a gutter. But each time I thought my end was soon, I was picked up by another owner and was relished I opened my big mouth yet another time.

After all this incessant shifting around, I’d love to be with just one person. As much I love the experience of meeting a whole lot of people from a whole lot of places, I’d really had enough heart break myself. Seeing heart breaks even worse than mine pains me to think that they actually hit that hard and that if I don’t protect myself from one I might fall victim to it before I know it.

You must be thinking that it is crazy that I am a book with a heart and soul and emotions but I find it really difficult to believe that I have them myself. Most books don’t have a soul and a heart and all that stuff – well most books till I came along. I don’t really know if people sense this but I feel I am a part of a greater divine plan. So there must be God or all this evolution stuff is like really advanced – much more than it seems to be.

Anyhow, it’s time I get going. Have another soul to soothe, more heart ache to bear, more pain to see, more owners to have…I hope I meet you though some time.

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